Hi, well, it's been a while huh...after browsing thru some friends' blogs yesterday, it gives me some energy to post some new material here. Here's one: I wrote this article for an ezine called recess. You can check it out at recesstime.net. But here's the article if you just wanna read it. Cheers! :)
The Street Cleaning Conspiracy
by Cop 223
It's a conspiracy I tell you, a conspiracy! The human race is evolved from aliens? The Olson twins are actually robots designed by Bill Gates to take over the world? Well, not exactly. It's something rather...subtle. In fact, it's happening right in your own neighborhood....and it's happening....every day.
You know that feeling. In the morning, just like any other day, you wake up and get ready for work or school. But perhaps you partied too hard last night, or your alarm decides to not turn on...and you overslept. You look at your clock, and it's 9:30 am. You hear the loud bristling of the street cleaner coming by your apartment.
Yep, it's street cleaning day.
But wait, is today Monday, Wednesday, or Thursday? Is it 8 to 10? 2 to 4? 3 to 5? Yahtzee! Did you park on the left side or the right side of the street? And which side of the street is which day? Dazed and confused and barely dressed, you rush out to the sidewalk, and there it is - that dreaded white envelope clipped underneath the windshield, guffawing at you like that one bully who gave you that nasty wedgie in PE class in high school, yeah, that bully. Don't you remember him? Oh, oh wait, that must be just me then...never mind...back to the conspiracy...
Great, 35 bucks down the drain. You look at the time of the ticket, 9:03am. Funny, you go to the traffic court to take care of your citations, the clerks make you wait 20 minutes. You file for a tax refund, it takes months. Ask the Senate to pass a bill? Maybe years. Let's not even talk about the efficiency of the DMV. The government has never been on time, so why start now? Why start with street cleaning violations? And then, all the pieces start to come together.
Let's do the math. The city gets 35 bucks for each ticket. Let's be conservative and say there will be 2 cars on each block that gets ticketed. 70 bucks. Let's just say, for each day, they clean 50 blocks. Ka-ching, 3,500 bucks. Let's say they do this on each weekday. 3,500 bucks times 5. That's uh...a lot of money to pay for that one street cleaning crew and that hated traffic citation officer on that little 4 horsepower golf cart of a car.
Just how much do I get for paying those 35 dollar tickets? A nicer and cleaner neighborhood? Not with a street cleaner which drizzles water like we were still in a drought from the 80's. You figure a truck as big as that would fill up enough water to have it's own rip roaring rapids raging waters ride but if you ever see one of these trucks in action, it's like the truck is taking a leak while doing its job. That's all. And they don't even drive near the curb. What's the use of those rotating brushes on the side of the truck if it's brushing air? All they do is to move a piece of garbage two feet away from its origin. But it doesn't end there, my friend. What happens next is mind-blowing. The garbage is subsequently picked up by the rear brush and brought back home, baby!
Upon personal inspection after getting my ticket, the effect the street cleaning truck has on cleaning my street is about the same as using that dirty soap water at a 76 gas station to wash windows...which is none. The truck is absolutely useless.
Eh, I guess we'll never find out the truth. The truth. It's out there. Out there on the streets... just like your car. Your innocently parked car. Not knowing its fate come next Monday at 8. Or was it Wednesday at 2? Or maybe it's... Friday at 3? Doo be do be do...
The Street Cleaning Conspiracy
by Cop 223
It's a conspiracy I tell you, a conspiracy! The human race is evolved from aliens? The Olson twins are actually robots designed by Bill Gates to take over the world? Well, not exactly. It's something rather...subtle. In fact, it's happening right in your own neighborhood....and it's happening....every day.
You know that feeling. In the morning, just like any other day, you wake up and get ready for work or school. But perhaps you partied too hard last night, or your alarm decides to not turn on...and you overslept. You look at your clock, and it's 9:30 am. You hear the loud bristling of the street cleaner coming by your apartment.
Yep, it's street cleaning day.
But wait, is today Monday, Wednesday, or Thursday? Is it 8 to 10? 2 to 4? 3 to 5? Yahtzee! Did you park on the left side or the right side of the street? And which side of the street is which day? Dazed and confused and barely dressed, you rush out to the sidewalk, and there it is - that dreaded white envelope clipped underneath the windshield, guffawing at you like that one bully who gave you that nasty wedgie in PE class in high school, yeah, that bully. Don't you remember him? Oh, oh wait, that must be just me then...never mind...back to the conspiracy...
Great, 35 bucks down the drain. You look at the time of the ticket, 9:03am. Funny, you go to the traffic court to take care of your citations, the clerks make you wait 20 minutes. You file for a tax refund, it takes months. Ask the Senate to pass a bill? Maybe years. Let's not even talk about the efficiency of the DMV. The government has never been on time, so why start now? Why start with street cleaning violations? And then, all the pieces start to come together.
Let's do the math. The city gets 35 bucks for each ticket. Let's be conservative and say there will be 2 cars on each block that gets ticketed. 70 bucks. Let's just say, for each day, they clean 50 blocks. Ka-ching, 3,500 bucks. Let's say they do this on each weekday. 3,500 bucks times 5. That's uh...a lot of money to pay for that one street cleaning crew and that hated traffic citation officer on that little 4 horsepower golf cart of a car.
Just how much do I get for paying those 35 dollar tickets? A nicer and cleaner neighborhood? Not with a street cleaner which drizzles water like we were still in a drought from the 80's. You figure a truck as big as that would fill up enough water to have it's own rip roaring rapids raging waters ride but if you ever see one of these trucks in action, it's like the truck is taking a leak while doing its job. That's all. And they don't even drive near the curb. What's the use of those rotating brushes on the side of the truck if it's brushing air? All they do is to move a piece of garbage two feet away from its origin. But it doesn't end there, my friend. What happens next is mind-blowing. The garbage is subsequently picked up by the rear brush and brought back home, baby!
Upon personal inspection after getting my ticket, the effect the street cleaning truck has on cleaning my street is about the same as using that dirty soap water at a 76 gas station to wash windows...which is none. The truck is absolutely useless.
Eh, I guess we'll never find out the truth. The truth. It's out there. Out there on the streets... just like your car. Your innocently parked car. Not knowing its fate come next Monday at 8. Or was it Wednesday at 2? Or maybe it's... Friday at 3? Doo be do be do...
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