So it's almost 3am in the morning on a saturday nite. I'm leaving for Korea on Monday to live and work there for 6+ weeks...a lot of things on my mind:
1) Everyone's moving around...
I guess you can say it started with Jimmy, then one by one, each has moved on. DLu, Shelia, Bernice, Sandra... the latest is Erica, but more to follow. I have to say that it's a bit disturbing to me, not to say that it's wrong, cuz it's so right, that's the thing. Everyone, like blips on a radar, moving in all directions, some coming closer to the middle of the screen, some moving faster and faster off the screen. I can't help but realize how I'm reacting to it. It's as if I want to take a step back and be not so attached to the people who're going away, in order to make it look like it's not a big deal, that it's normal, and that it's all part of life...mentally the song "closing time" plays in the background as I look ahead and anticipate the changes, measuring the projected impact. See, that's how I got the analogy for airport lounges too. I sit there and see people leaving on this flight and that flight. You can be with them at the lounge, but the lounge is a temporary place, and when the time comes, only they can board their planes, you can't go with them.
I suppose I'm kinda going first for a bit. When I leave monday I'll be physically away from my friends for a long while, knowing that life in SF will go on fine without me, that when I come back it'll be a different place. Gone will be Tina and a couple of others. And who knows what'll happen in 6 months? Will I leave too? I'm not sure. I guess I wish I had prioritized my life better and not spend so much time working and instead spend more time with people.
2) Everyone wants to be liked.
No brainer there. But if you look into it, that's the root of a lot of strange emotions...People get mad for not being invited to gatherings. People fear whoever they ask might diss them and not come. People make irrational decisions in fear of losing someone. People do nicer things to one than another because they want others to like them. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, it's just an observation. But I think I have to try not to base my life decisions subconsciously by that, cuz it's gonna trip me up. You know in the movie Fight Club Tyler says, "it's when you lose everything, that's when you're free"? I think it's more like, when you don't fear losing something, that's when you're free, cuz you're free to be yourself and then if you're an ok person, people will like you for who you are.
3) The reset button
How many times can you hit it in life? in a relationship? I keep thinking I'd like the press the reset button and start life over but I can't. Rework this relationship here, work harder there. But there's no reset button, no perfect world, just gotta make the best of it.
1) Everyone's moving around...
I guess you can say it started with Jimmy, then one by one, each has moved on. DLu, Shelia, Bernice, Sandra... the latest is Erica, but more to follow. I have to say that it's a bit disturbing to me, not to say that it's wrong, cuz it's so right, that's the thing. Everyone, like blips on a radar, moving in all directions, some coming closer to the middle of the screen, some moving faster and faster off the screen. I can't help but realize how I'm reacting to it. It's as if I want to take a step back and be not so attached to the people who're going away, in order to make it look like it's not a big deal, that it's normal, and that it's all part of life...mentally the song "closing time" plays in the background as I look ahead and anticipate the changes, measuring the projected impact. See, that's how I got the analogy for airport lounges too. I sit there and see people leaving on this flight and that flight. You can be with them at the lounge, but the lounge is a temporary place, and when the time comes, only they can board their planes, you can't go with them.
I suppose I'm kinda going first for a bit. When I leave monday I'll be physically away from my friends for a long while, knowing that life in SF will go on fine without me, that when I come back it'll be a different place. Gone will be Tina and a couple of others. And who knows what'll happen in 6 months? Will I leave too? I'm not sure. I guess I wish I had prioritized my life better and not spend so much time working and instead spend more time with people.
2) Everyone wants to be liked.
No brainer there. But if you look into it, that's the root of a lot of strange emotions...People get mad for not being invited to gatherings. People fear whoever they ask might diss them and not come. People make irrational decisions in fear of losing someone. People do nicer things to one than another because they want others to like them. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, it's just an observation. But I think I have to try not to base my life decisions subconsciously by that, cuz it's gonna trip me up. You know in the movie Fight Club Tyler says, "it's when you lose everything, that's when you're free"? I think it's more like, when you don't fear losing something, that's when you're free, cuz you're free to be yourself and then if you're an ok person, people will like you for who you are.
3) The reset button
How many times can you hit it in life? in a relationship? I keep thinking I'd like the press the reset button and start life over but I can't. Rework this relationship here, work harder there. But there's no reset button, no perfect world, just gotta make the best of it.
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