you know, sometimes we all talk a lot. Lots of sounds emitting from our mouths but yet it doesn't mean anything. So what's the point to pollute the air with sounds of "I plan to do this" or "we should be open" and "we need to do this and that" when there's nothing to back them up? Empty promises fall loudly to the floor, but still, it's drowned by the chatter. I don't know...I feel sad, frustrated, but most of all, I'm guilty on all counts.

There was a time, maybe back in college, when I was entirely driven by ideals. Call it innocence, call it by another name, but I really felt that I should live by certain ideals and stick to them. That although this world is messed up, unfair, and hostile, if you don't try so hard you can see the beauty that lies all around us. The sky, the trees, a beautiful autumn, a stranger's smile, a samaritan's generosity. Maybe I needed to because I was wondering what this life's for. Do we just check in when we're born, and check out sometime later, and that's it? There must be more. There are things to live for, repay evil with good, lead by example, live a life full of grace and kindness. I guess the white sheet of paper I had was clean and tidy, clearly defined in black and white. I was not only idealistic, but there was also a sense of power and optimism. No way anyone can stop me. I can do it if I put my mind into it.

But somewhere down the road I find myself at a comfortable place. Maybe it's the yuppie effect. I don't mean to say that having a nice life is bad, by all means no. But you know, I no longer have to pinch every penny, I've got a nice pad, nice toys and gizmos, travel around the globe, meeting all these interesting people, in relatively good health, seeing and enjoying new locations and stimulations, and somehow, the comfort level sets in. There is less desire to strive for ideals. And there is more to lose now. Idealism turns into being practical. It's not about what it takes to win, but what it takes to not lose. Sometimes there's just thoughts of "I'm close, but how can I have my perfect life? I sure don't want to mess it up." I start to hold on to possessions, like my nice job, so what's next, a nice wife? nice house? nice dog, nice kids, nice hobby??? It's so much about ME, so inwardly driven, so selfish. Maybe the world is run this way, get the most out of this life for yourself, cuz there isn't anything after.

But we should be different. And God calls us to be different. We should not be inwardly focused, but instead, express the love and grace and joy that God has towards us to others. We should be different, to help people in need, to ease sufferings, to seek justice for the unfairly treated, to care for people less fortunate, to love the unloved, to not be so selfish.

I guess I'm directing this point mainly to myself, but in some ways to you too, since you are my friend. Action speaks louder than words. There's no way around it.